like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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