WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
