worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
