Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
