Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dear god my vagina.
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