And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
