All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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