If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
