dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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