Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize