you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
