No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
