I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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