So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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