either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
