best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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