Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
