we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
should my penis look like a turkey
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize