There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
