We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize