so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think my fart just growled at me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
