who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
