It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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