I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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