everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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