So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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