I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
