If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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