it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
