I'm passing your future prison.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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