The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
