oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
