wakey wakey hands off snakey
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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