I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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