doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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