@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
