idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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