nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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