my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
