There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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