See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
