You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
