I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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