Swine flu is the new snow day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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