Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
