the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
