he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
