did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize