If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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