didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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