Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
