People in love make me want to vomit
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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