Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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