How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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