Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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