Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
