He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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