i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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