i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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