Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
People in love make me want to vomit
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
