when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize