brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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