Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
