I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
