Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
