I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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