You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
