the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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