I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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